


And So It Goes, We Found Our Sweet Disaster

by Polaroid_Memoir



Series: You Want Me To Fix You, But It's Never Enough [3]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blow Jobs, Cigarettes, Deepthroating, Developing Relationship, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Shotgunning, Smoking, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:28:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24866077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polaroid_Memoir/pseuds/Polaroid_Memoir
Summary: Shit, was Hank going soft or what? And, was he too?_____________________________________CW: Alcoholism mention, Alcohol mentionGavin and Hank slowly come to realise that this could be something more than what it currently is, and, they pursue it. (It's good)
Relationships: Hank Anderson/Gavin Reed
Series: You Want Me To Fix You, But It's Never Enough [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1780840
Comments: 25
Kudos: 61





	1. Chapter 1

He’d had a long shift, way too long, at least he’d made good headway. His plan for the evening was to clock off, go home to sort out Sumo and then head straight to Jimmy’s to drink scotch until his mind was numb enough that he didn’t have to care about anything. 

Hank had managed to get two thirds of the way through that list and thought he was on the home stretch until he rounded the corner to Jimmy’s and saw Reed there, clearly waiting for him, leaning up against the wall by the entrance smoking a cigarette. 

He didn’t know why, perhaps he was just getting more and more weak willed as their involvement went on but instead of passing out somewhere in his house like he’d planned, he found himself sober _and_ in Reed’s bed by two in the morning. 

He felt himself getting used to their antagonistic routine, and that was alarming, the frequency that they fell together like this was fucked up. By all rights they should’ve fizzled out a long time ago, but it seemed they were locked into this pattern, bound together by their mutual loathing of both themselves and each other. Tonight however, he wasn’t much up for fighting, he let Reed take the lead, he took the cues and played his part, until finally Reed’s pushing and goading legitimately got him going. 

In the crush of their bodies he found something curious, normally he was too drunk to focus on anything other than seeking his own pleasure and letting Reed get his (it only seemed fair). It was strange, with the lowest blood alcohol level he’d had in a long time, he came to realise the thing that had made him keep letting Reed in. The intimacy. Though thoroughly strained and wholly tinted by hostility, it still felt good, in a deep way that had been resonating through him since their first hook up over half a year ago.

He found himself getting lost in an entirely new way. He set himself a new goal for the evening, to make sure that Reed felt it too. With this frame of mind it was easy to counteract Reed’s incessant mockery by simply giving him more pleasure to shut him up. He’d learnt enough about Reed’s body by now to give him the exact kind of sex he desired, so he lent into it, guided purely by instinct.

He was determined to let his intent be felt. He considered that this might backfire, that when this session was over Reed would be even more acerbic than he ever was before, and that all of this would be wasted effort, but he was in the mood to try. At the very least, either result would break the cycle. 

He thought that he was on the right track, because when they were both coming undone simultaneously Reed didn’t complain at the soft kiss Hank pressed to his temple, nor the fact they were both too tired to move and ended up spooning until they were both asleep. 

As he drifted off he realised, it was the first time he’d felt peaceful for months.

* * *

He felt himself drifting off to sleep, he hadn’t meant to but the intensity of his orgasm had completely drained him, leaving him fully satisfied and completely boneless. Hank slipped off of him, then, instead of getting up, getting dressed and leaving as normal, Hank pulled his body close to Gavin’s and wrapped an arm around his waist. 

Gavin had just had easily the best sex of his life— he wouldn’t admit that of course— so he didn’t even have the capacity to think about what the fuck it meant that Hank had decided to stay for a late night snuggle session. He just easily drifted off to sleep in his arms.

He woke to find Hank was still there, and in the night he’d managed to tuck himself further against Hank’s body, their legs now tangled together too. So they were spooning now? What the fuck? He was confused, normally they were too aggressive towards each other and Hank ended up leaving. Now though, he didn’t really know where he stood. Did this mean anything, or were they just too fucked out and satisfied last night? Or perhaps Hank’s loneliness had prevented him from leaving. 

He lay there stuck, he couldn’t see a way forward from this. That Hank would stay all night with him like this, and embrace him tenderly whilst they slept, it wasn’t what he wanted, was it? Hank’s arm seemed so heavy around him, he couldn’t decide if it was suffocating or comforting, so he stayed still and wallowed in his ambivalence. 

It was another half hour before Hank stirred, untangling them and getting up to get dressed without a word. Relief swept over him, he kept his eyes closed and feigned sleep, he didn’t want to have to talk about this _at all_. 

After a while he heard Hank shuffling around in his kitchenette, doing something. Then the sound of the kettle boiling filled the room. Shit? Was he making coffee?

He slowly opened his eyes, and sat up to see what was happening, sure enough Hank was making him a fucking coffee. 

“What the fuck?” 

“Good morning to you too, here,” Hank walked over and placed a mug on the nightstand then leaned over and squeezed Gavin’s shoulder, “I’m going now, see you at the station.”

“O- Okay?” 

“Bye,” he said almost affectionately, and then he left, the apartment door closing softly behind him. 

He sat there blinking like an idiot, until finally he cast his eyes over to the fresh coffee on his nightstand. He grabbed the mug and took a sip, no milk, and just a touch of sugar, exactly how he took it at work. 

“He’s gone soft on me. Well, shit.”

There was nothing to help him now, no familiar antagonistic playbook to adhere to, he felt uniquely disoriented. What did it mean? Was it permanent, or just a fluke? Did he want something like this? 

He hadn’t a fucking clue but, at least the coffee was good.

* * *

Tina was already in the break room when he got in, they normally had breakfast together before their shifts started on mornings. She was about the only person he could tolerate in the whole station because well, they were both career driven assholes. No doubt she’d tread on him if she thought it would get her any closer to making detective but that’s why he liked her. She was honest. 

“Hey, any new developments?”

“No, still waiting on the CCTV, someone’s dragging their feet on it.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah, but check it out, Anderson actually made it in on time for once. Wonder what’s gotten into him.”

Gavin cast a glance over, feigning surprise, “Well fuck me, so he is, now that’s something special. Today is _truly_ blessed.”

He earned a snort from Tina, that was enough to let him know he’d been convincing. He regretted his choice of words though, the irony made him cringe.

At the very least work managed to be a wholly engaging distraction, which he was grateful for, he managed to avoid thinking about what had happened for a glorious eight hours. 

The day started to draw to a close, and as the morning shift emptied out of the bullpen, he noticed Hank still at his desk. He didn’t feel up to approaching him, he still hadn’t figured out where he stood. So he left without engaging with Hank at all.

The next few days passed in much the same way, he avoided Hank completely. It reminded him of back when he was still a rookie, fresh on the force and so impossibly infatuated with Detective Anderson. It wasn’t just the physical attraction either, Hank had been inspirational to him to the point of intimidation. He was always shit with dealing with his feelings it seemed, so it wasn’t surprising that he avoided Hank then too. 

The silence broke just two days later, Hank approached his desk with a handful of files. 

“Reed here, I got some reports for you from Fowler, he said you might need them.”

He struggled with how to respond. He felt so idiotic. One amazing night of sex and a nice gesture was all it took for him to completely loose his footing. He knew normally he’d tell Hank to leave the files and fuck off but, he didn’t want to this time. He scanned the bull pen, no one was within earshot, so he settled on, “Thanks.”

Hank looked stunned at first, then his expression mellowed into a half smile before he walked away. 

“Shit. What the fuck?” he whispered to himself. 

He could feel the pull to let Hank further into his life a little more strongly than the push of wanting him out of it. That unsettled him. Scared him even. He hated it.

* * *

When the shift rotations went up for the next week he couldn’t help noticing he and Hank both had Thursday off. He kept thinking about it. That he probably needed to talk to him, but he still wasn’t comfortable with the conclusion that he’d come to. 

That Wednesday evening he went home with the intention of getting blindingly drunk, at least that way he could just black out and forget about it until the morning. One problem, he’d emptied his last bottle of vodka last night, and he had one can of beer left. Going out to any bar within a five block radius of his house meant he could run into Hank, and he wasn’t ready. So he opted for the liquor store which admittedly was still a risk, but a lower one he figured.

The familiar ping of the customer alarm welcomed him to the store, he went straight for the beer, picking up a six pack of his regular mid priced lager, then stood by the vodka a while deliberating whether to go for loads of the cheap shit or one bottle of decent shit. Then he heard the door alarm ping again. 

“No…” 

It was Hank. He tried to pull his hood up to obscure his face but he’d already been spotted. It seemed they’d both had the same idea tonight. He took a small comfort in the fact that Hank was just as incompetent as he was. 

“Reed,” Hank greeted him with a nod of his head.

“Anderson,” he sighed.

“Any reason you’ve been avoiding me or is it just regular Reed shit?” his voice carrying an edge of defeat, as if he’d already decided that this exchange was going to end on bad terms like it normally did— but something was different now. Gavin wanted something different.

He shifted on the spot, he was just so uncomfortable admitting anything. It would be easier for him to talk somewhere else, confessing in a liquor store didn’t feel right. 

“I— It’s… Look, I want to talk but not here, let’s go somewhere after?” 

“Sure, where are you thinking?”

He didn’t want to go back to his, that felt too personal, a bar was a bad setting too, he didn’t want to get too drunk and fuck this up. So he decided on somewhere fairly neutral.

“There’s a small diner just a couple minutes walk away. Good food there, coffee’s alright.”

“Yeah, I know the place, I’ll, I think I’ll wait outside.”

“Want me to get you anything?”

“Nah, changed my mind.”

“See you out there then.”

Gavin sucked in a long breath of air and let it out slowly as Hank walked away, trying to stabilise himself, he decided on the good shit in the end, a celebration if this went well and if it didn’t, well, then he deserved a treat right?

They walked together in silence, and it felt like an eternity. He knew that any regular person would try to fill the dead space with small talk. For Hank and himself though, no chance. He could always depend on Hank for that. Always straight to the point, no bullshit.

He hoped that wasn’t about to change because if it was, he was out. 

Ten minutes after they were seated Gavin was already halfway through his first mug of coffee, he stared at the menu as if he was contemplating what to order. But he knew it was gonna be the pancakes, it was always the pancakes. 

Hank decided on a burger and joined in on the coffee too.

“You gonna start?” Hank spoke after several more minutes of silence had passed. 

“Don’t rush me, shit.” He wasn’t ready, but then again he didn’t suppose he ever would be, he rubbed his hand over his face briefly then let it fall back to the handle of his mug, “I- ugh.”

Hank looked at him, clearly amused but he didn’t speak on it, though he looked like he wanted to. 

“It wasn’t terrible-” he gulped, this was too hard. It felt like pulling teeth. 

Hank raised an eyebrow, “It wasn’t terrible? That all you’ve got?”

“Oh, fuck off Hank. Just let me finish.”

“Alright, okay, sorry,” he gestured toward him with an open hand, “Go ahead.”

“I- I actually kinda liked it, when you- When you stayed the night by accident last week. If- shit- If you wanted to stay over more often I wouldn’t say no,” Gavin felt himself wince as he said it. He was being so fucking awkward.

Hank chuckled, “Yeah? I probably can’t stay over at yours like that again though, I was only able to ‘cause I’d already been and sorted Sumo out before you accosted me.”

“Oh, your dog, that’s why you left way before shift too…”

“Yeah, so. I guess what I’m saying is that it wouldn’t be _terrible_ if you stayed at mine. Besides, my bed’s bigger.”

“Yeah, that’s fine too,” Gavin pinched the bridge of his nose. 

He knew how shitty he sounded, but honestly, this was as close to earnest as he was going to get. Hank should count himself lucky, he hadn’t let someone this far in since he was in his early-twenties and boy he was still burnt from that.

Hank laughed again and smiled at him softly. That look struck Gavin, Hank looked so good like that, and he was the one that had made him do it. A genuine full toothy smile. Shit. That had him feeling some kind of way. 

He couldn’t help but laugh, “Never thought I’d go soft on you.”

“Gotta admit, it’s pretty fuckin’ surreal, but I’ll take it. I like this side of you Reed.”

“Gavin is okay,” he said, biting his lip nervously. 

“Okay Gavin it is, oh, our food.”

Sometime after their plates were cleared away and Gavin was on his third coffee, Hank spoke up.

“You doing anything tonight?”

“Not really, unless you count getting fucked up and watching terrible action movies until I pass out. I’m sure whatever you’re about to offer is better than that.”

“Presumptuous aren’t you?”

“I know you Hank, you wouldn’t ask unless you had an agenda.”

He laughed at that, “You got me, wanna come over?”

“Sure.”

They paid up, Gavin left extra on the tip because he was feeling generous and they walked together to where Hank’s car was parked, just down the road from the liquor store.

They got in, the engine started and the car filled up with the sound of death metal. Loud enough that they didn’t have to talk, and that suited him. 

It was the first time with just the two of them like this. Music blaring. Not trying to stab each others’ egos. Just mutually sharing the same space. 

Yeah, he could get used to this.

* * *

Gavin was on him like a rash as soon as they crossed the threshold into his house, insistently pushing him up against the closed front door and standing on his tiptoes to kiss him. He let Gavin have him for a few moments, enjoying the clash of their mouths, though somewhat softer, the aggression of Gavin’s advance was still recognisable. 

Good to know he hadn’t lost any of his fight after the conversation they’d just had.

Sumo approached them, slowly, looking unsure, and that was Hank’s cue to pause the make out session. He firmly pushed Gavin down, adoring the annoyed look on his face when he was forced to stop. He pointed behind them, “Someone wants to say hello.”

“Oh,” he turned toward Sumo with his palms open, “Hey, Sumo, you’re a big boy huh?”

Sumo sniffed around Gavin’s hands and let out a small half bark, “You want attention too?” Gavin said softly as he gently scratched Sumo behind the ears, “There you go, you’re alright.”

He couldn’t help but laugh, this was unlike any Gavin Reed he’d met before. 

Gavin turned back to Hank looking indignant, “You having fun there?”

“Yeah, actually, didn’t peg you as a dog person.”

Gavin shrugged, “Grew up with dogs, they’re pretty good. Better than people,” he sounded bitter, so Hank didn’t push.

“Let me get Sumo settled, you can wait on the couch”

“Sure, put my booze in the fridge?” He handed Hank his grocery bag. 

“As you wish,” he couldn’t help being snarky. 

Gavin just shook his head smiling as he walked past, stopping to give Sumo a soft pat before moving over to the couch and putting his feet up on the coffee table.

“Come on Sumo, dinner time.”

Sumo’s tail wagged, beating against the floor where he sat at the mention of food. 

He went to the kitchen to put Gavin’s stuff in the fridge. He couldn’t help but judge his tastes a little as he put the items away, the vodka was pretty decent, but the Belgian lager he could do without. He supposed there was no accounting for taste, Gavin had decided to come home with him after all and that was a sure marker he had questionable preferences. 

He gave Sumo fresh water, his wet food and made sure to fuss him plenty before finally topping up his biscuits. 

He walked back through to the living room, “I’ll let him out after he’s done eating, then we can pick things back up.”

He licked his lips and smiled slyly, “Can’t wait, hey, can I smoke in here?”

“No. But you can in the garden. Guess I’ll be letting both of you out.”

Gavin laughed at that, then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a packet of rolling tobacco.

“Oh, _of course_ you roll your own.”

“Fuck you, I prefer it.”

He took out a filter and put it between his teeth whilst he arranged the tobacco in the centre of his paper, then placed the filter carefully and began to roll it up, it was kinda hypnotising to watch. 

When he came to seal the seam he made direct eye contact, almost as if he was calling Hank out for staring at him. He slowly licked along the edge of the paper, his eyes half lidded. 

By all rights Hank should’ve found it ridiculous, but instead, he found it to be a massive turn on. He felt his face heat up, he had to be blushing. 

Gavin tucked the cigarette behind his ear and laughed, “That turn you on, old man?”

“You’re such a shit Gavin,” he laughed too, “Yeah it did. Jesus.”

Gavin rose up off the couch and made towards him, grabbing his shirt with both hands and pulling him down to kiss him again. There was even more fight to it than earlier, but this time he wasn’t passive, he let Gavin know that he wasn’t in control here.

He grabbed Gavin’s wrists, squeezed them tight until he let go of his shirt and pushed them down until they were pinned against Gavin's sides. All while deepening their kiss relentlessly, their tongues almost wrestling until, predictably, Gavin weakened, groaning softly into Hank’s mouth. 

He pulled back, Gavin was panting quietly, his skin flushed, he looked to fuckin’ cute.

“That turn you on, baby?”

He huffed, smiling again, but he didn’t answer. He fidgeted in place before straining forward to try and capture Hank again. 

“You forgot, gotta take you outside—” he took the cigarette from behind Gavin’s ear and placed it against his lower lip “—remember?”

He closed his mouth around the cigarette, his eyelids fluttering a second before taking his recently freed hand up to take it from his mouth between his index and middle finger. He let out a heady sigh, “Fuck, okay, let’s go then.”

He released Gavin and went to the back door, as soon as he turned the handle Sumo bounced over from where he was resting. 

“Out you go,” Hank said, opening the door to let Sumo through, “You too, Gavin.”

“Fuck you Hank, I’m not your dog,” he said jokingly as he walked over. 

“Sure about that? Reckon I got you trained like one.”

Gavin shot a scandalised look at him before he crossed through the doorway to the patio. 

Hank grabbed an old beer can off the side before he followed, leaving the door ajar. 

“Fucking lighter,” Gavin struggled with the failing mechanism for a second before it finally struck a flame and successfully lit the end of his cigarette. 

“Why do you use those old fashioned lighters anyway?” Hank asked.

“Why do you drive that old ass car?” he said, letting out the smoke from his first drag.

“Prefer it,” Hank said. “Makes me feel more… In control… Shit.” 

The memories invaded, they were in an automated car when it happened, if he were driving then maybe, maybe he could’ve avoided it, maybe it would’ve played out different and then maybe Cole—

“Shit, sorry Hank,” Gavin’s voice snapped him back into the moment. 

“Don’t worry about it,” he shook his head and raised up the empty can, “Ash in here.”

Gavin took the can from him and flicked the drooping ash from his cigarette inside, “Thanks.”

He felt the pull to drown himself, he had planned on it, then he remembered how relieved he was when he saw Gavin in the liquor store. He made the choice then not to get fucked up, he felt he should honour it. “Gavin, come here, distract me.” 

“Gladly, just let me finish this,” He raised the cigarette to his lips, but Hank caught his wrist with his left hand and plucked the cigarette from Gavin’s fingers with this right, “Hey, what the fuck?”

“I’ve been wondering if I still like these,” Hank brought the cigarette to his lips, pinching the filter between his thumb and forefinger, he inhaled a shallow drag. The smoke burned on the way down, just like he remembered, that strange warming burn. He was surprised by the flavour, unlike the smokes he’d had in his teens this actually tasted good, “Damn, this tobacco’s actually nice.”

“Glad you like it. Can I have it back now?”

“Yes, and No,” he took a longer drag, holding onto the smoke this time, and then he lent forward, grasping Gavin and pulling him until their bodies were flush. 

Gavin caught on, he brought his mouth close to Hank’s and exhaled, readying himself to receive the second hand smoke. 

Hank let his breath out, slowly, keeping a tight control of the outtake, Gavin sucked it in eagerly. Their lips grazed, it took all of Hank’s restraint to stop himself kissing Gavin before he’d exhaled the last of the smoke. He didn’t have long to wait though, once Gavin had taken another full breath their lips crushed together. 

It took Sumo whining at them to finally break their embrace. They separated, and Gavin looked like an absolute mess, he was panting for air, a sheen of sweat across his brow and a heavy blush settled across his face that reached the tips of his ears. 

“Sorry boy, let’s go back inside,” he addressed Sumo, but made sure he caught Gavin’s eye as he said it. 

Gavin was still stunned, he didn’t react when Hank pulled the can from his hand, he let it slide through his fingers, when his thumb made contact with the underside of his fingers he snapped out of his daze. “Hank, I- You need to take me to bed like. Right. Now.”

“That horny huh?”

He nodded.

“Off you go then, bedroom’s at the end of the hall, wait for me.” 

He strode back into the house without any further hesitation. 

Yeah, this would make for a good distraction.

Sumo shuffled back inside and headed for his bed, Hank followed, making sure the door was locked behind him, “Good boy Sumo, I’m gonna be busy for a while okay?”

He dropped the spent cigarette into the can and put it back on the side. Like a lot of things, he told himself he’d clean it up later. 

When he got to the bedroom the door had been closed, he opened it slowly and was greeted by a wonderful sight.

Gavin was completely naked, on top of the sheets, face down in the pillow, ass up in the air, fucking himself open with his fingers. By his side on the bed lay a bottle of lube and a condom that Hank recognised, they had been retrieved from the drawer in his bedside table. 

“You weren’t kidding were you? Damn,” he closed the door behind him, kicked off his shoes, shed the rest of his clothes and sat himself on the bed behind Gavin, “Want me to help?”

“Of course I do,” Gavin snapped at him.

He was such a brat, and that _always_ got him going. 

“You got it baby, whatever you want,” Hank replied teasingly.

Gavin dropped his hand, letting it rest by his side on the bed. Hank took a moment absorbing the sight of Gavin submitting so easily. For the first time since they’d started this (whatever it was) it felt good, and for the two of them he considered it downright wholesome.

“The fuck are you waiting for?!”

“Patient as ever I see.”

“I. Need. You. Hurry up.”

Hank laughed again, he swore he hadn’t laughed this much in so long. He took the lube and made sure to evenly coat his fingers before slowly teasing the edge of Gavin’s hole with his index finger. He circled it slowly, waiting for a sign of Gavin’s frustration, which came quickly with a weak whimper, then he thrust the finger inside and left it there, knowing Gavin’s impatience would set things in motion if he waited long enough. 

In this case long enough was a mere thirty seconds, Gavin started to fuck himself on the finger. Hank took this opportunity to slip in a second digit, when Gavin pulled forward completely off the index, he lined up his middle and enjoyed Gavin’s elated sigh when he sunk himself back down, his pace vigorous, once the resistance slacked he added the ring finger in the same way. Gavin hissed at the extra girth stretching him, it made him reduce his pace. 

Hank supplied a little extra lube to lessen the friction, just enough that Gavin could go at the speed his urgency dictated. He began to grunt each time he bared down, Hank’s fingers now buried to the hilt when he backed into them. 

Then he came, with no warning or fanfare, his voice breaking into that sweet silent moan Hank had been secretly adoring for months, his breath shallow, he came to rest, letting Hank bear his bodyweight against the digits. He may have come but this was his way of telling Hank he wasn’t done yet. Since he was so completely terrible at asking for what he wanted, or even communicating at all, Hank had learnt how to read Gavin’s body, by now he had an excellent handle on it. Although before tonight he was prone to ignoring the intuitions he’d picked up out of sheer spite, he hoped that was in the past, as this was better. 

He allowed Gavin a few minutes to come back into himself before removing the fingers, Gavin moaned as he withdrew them. 

“Want more?” Hank asked, even though he knew the answer. 

Gavin turned his head and gave him _the_ most adorable scathing look. 

“You’re real pretty when you’re pissed off, you know that?”

“Hank, I swear—” he shifted to sit facing Hank “—if you won’t stop talkin’ I’ll shut you up.”

“Oh yeah? Show me how,” he goaded.

He wrapped his arms around Hank’s neck, and fervently initiated a kiss, Hank let him have it, now allowing himself to become completely lost in the ferocity of his advance. Then, Gavin took the chance to pull them down, parting his legs as they went so Hank’s body slotted neatly between them when they finally came to rest on the mattress. 

Hank dropped the lube he was still holding next to them and picked up the condom. He tapped Gavin’s arm to indicate he needed to be let out of the embrace, Gavin let his arms fall above his head with his wrists crossed, he observed Hank intensely, desire burning in his eyes. 

He opened the packet and, ever so slowly, rolled the condom down the length of his erection (which had been standing proud since they started, but it was so easy for him to ignore his own desire when Gavin was being so eager and shamelessly selfish). 

Gavin watched intently, his breath hitching from the anticipation. Hank couldn’t help but appreciate him now, like this, legs open, the uneven rise and fall of his stomach and chest as his unsteady breathing wracked his body, his eyes half lidded, teeth gently worrying his lower lip. It was spectacular, having him this compliant and needy, he felt grateful that this time they hadn’t had to wrestle against all of the bullshit to get here. 

He picked up the lube and put a generous pump into the palm of his hand before tossing the bottle back down again. Then just as slowly as he’d sheathed himself in the condom he applied the lube to his cock. 

Clearly tired of waiting Gavin wrapped his legs around Hank’s back and made an earnest attempt to force him down. Hank resisted and smirked, just to taunt him a little, before he acquiesced and sank down until their chests were fully flush, he pinned Gavin’s wrists down to the bed with his left hand and with his right he coaxed his cock to rest against the entrance of Gavin’s hole. He pushed the head in, despite their earlier work he was still a lot to take, so he eased the rest of the way in slowly, enjoying Gavin’s ecstatic hiss as he pushed further until he finally bottomed out. He moved his right hand now, placing it just to the side of Gavin’s armpit. 

When Gavin crossed his ankles behind Hank’s back to try and force some movement he knew it was time to begin. He kept his thrusts shallow, knowing that was exactly how Gavin liked it, stuffed full like this, he always went wild when he knew he had all of Hank. 

They weren’t ever really up this close to each other before, or perhaps it just felt closer than it ever did before, either way it made Hank pay attention to each micro expression that played out across Gavin’s face. It was delightful, they way his lip would curl up occasionally, how his eyes would squeeze tight with each thrust and then loosen with the backstroke, and, best of all, he got to hear every single grunt. This shit. This was what had compelled him to let Gavin in every time they clashed. Gavin’s desire and his vulnerability when he gave into it were precious to Hank in a way he had never cared to analyse. Probably on account of the fact they’d never slept together sober. 

And like this, though he was exposed to the probability that he might feel the full breadth of his emotions, that sober he wouldn’t easily escape the darkness if it threatened to descend on him, just was easily as he could wallow in his despair, he could be elated and enraptured by the unlikely union between himself and Gavin.

“Gonna come!” Gavin yelped as he spilled himself a second time, it wasn’t much, but it was enough to make their stomachs pleasantly sticky. 

He slowed his thrusts, letting Gavin have some time to recover yet again. He loved how easy Gavin was, it just suited him somehow. Volatile to a fault. 

After a few moments passed Gavin opened his eyes again, “The fuck are you smiling at?”

“Just at how easy you are,” Hank teased. 

Gavin turned his face to one side, burying it against his arm. “Shut up”

“I like it,” Hank said sincerely.

Gavin huffed, but he started smiling too. 

“Think you’re ready for another round?”

He sharply inhaled before sighing, “Please.”

Hank decided to change up their position, he let go of Gavin’s wrists, “Hold on to me.”

Gavin tightened the grip of his legs and brought his arms around Hank’s neck tightly. Hank rolled them both over then pulled them up into a seated position with his back against the headboard, Gavin let out an undignified moan when he settled down on Hank’s cock. 

He let his head rest on Hank’s shoulder, sighed and complimented him, “Fuck, you feel so fucking good Hank.”

“Wow, that’s a new one on me, not used to being praised,” he knew he’d press a few buttons with that, but he couldn’t resist. 

“If you don’t like it then maybe it’s your turn to shut me up,” Gavin pressed his buttons right back. 

He gripped Gavin’s hips hard, and started to roll them backward, then forward at a steady medium pace, grinding Gavin along the length of his cock. 

“Oh sweet Jesus. Fuck!” Gavin spat.

They hadn’t had sex like this before, and Hank thought they never would, he never thought Gavin would tolerate it, too deliberate, too close, too much like making love rather than just rough dirty sex. 

The friction between them was delightful, Hank knew he was still a way from coming and he had no intention of rushing it either. He wanted to revel in the moment. Having Gavin like this felt amazing, and if the constant string of profanity leaving his mouth was anything to go by it felt just as amazing for him too. 

“Ah. Sh-Shit. I’m- H. Hank!” his head started to loll, he went completely limp for about ten seconds before he started to spasm, “F-Fuck, please—”

This time he couldn’t read Gavin, this had never happened before, but he looked overstimulated so he slowed down.

“No! No, keep- Keep going. Keep. Keep hold of me!” Gavin begged.

“Oh? You want this huh? What if I went harder too?”

“Yes! Please. Fuck- Fucking. Destroy me!”

Well shit, this was something. Hank complied immediately, using as much strength as he reasonably could, pushing and pulling Gavin even harder and faster than before, until he was an incoherent juddering mess. 

His release approached far faster now, but still distant, he kept the relentless pace, glad he had the next day off because he knew he’d be aching tomorrow for sure. 

Gavin began to sob softly, almost sweetly, Hank nearly stopped, wondering if something was wrong, until he noticed Gavin was smiling too. Like he got fucked into complete euphoria, and damn that was an ego boost that went straight down to his arousal. He started to crest, pulling Gavin right down to the hilt until he was completely buried inside of him. As his orgasm hit he closed his eyes tight and let out a long sigh, feeling his load force it’s way out of him. Now, just as boneless as Gavin, he sagged back into the headboard, moving his arms to encompass his lover, preventing him from sliding away. 

He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, just sweaty and sticky and wrapped up in each other. In fact, for all he knew he’d taken a micro nap sitting up, which would not be good for his back. 

Gavin stirred on top of him, raising his head up, he looked totally blissful.

“Hey, good for you baby?”

He blushed and nodded, then buried his face in the crook of Hank’s neck. 

“You’re surprisingly bashful considering how filthy you were a moment ago.”

“Fuck off,” he mumbled into Hank’s neck.

“So did I do it?” He was digging himself a grave but he didn’t care, Gavin was just so cute when he was annoyed and so easy to wind up. 

“Do what?” 

“ _Fucking destroy you_ \- Ah! What the fuck, you just bite me?” He asked but he didn’t need to, he’d felt the sudden shock of Gavin’s teeth sinking into his collarbone. 

“Deserved it,” he responded.

Hank pushed his hand up to the area to check it.

“I didn’t draw blood, I’ll only do that if you ask real nice,” Gavin said as he straightened his back to sit upright.

“Sorry, not my thing. Ah, fuckin’ smarts. But you’re right, I deserved it,” he replied rubbing his hand across the shallow indentation Gavin’s teeth had left. 

Gavin grunted as he made an effort to dismount, Hank’s softened cock was still partially penetrating him, he raised his hips slowly until it slid out and then pushed himself off, coming to lie flat on his back by Hank’s side, he placed his arm over his face and rested.

Hank cleaned himself up as best he could, disposing of the condom and wrapper in the small bucket bin next to his bed (which admittedly was only there for when he’d drunk too much), the sheets were a mess so he wiped himself off on them, they’d be changed before they slept anyway. 

Now though, now he simply enjoyed the peace of their afterglow, the most comfortable, uncomplicated and sincere silence they’d ever shared. It was made even better when Gavin rolled over and snuggled against him, wordlessly of course, he wouldn’t ever verbally express his affection, and Hank wouldn’t expect him to either. He liked Gavin the way he was, he couldn’t explain why and he didn’t care enough to examine it either. Gavin was just Gavin, and he was just Hank, and they just happened to catch each other in exactly the right way this time.


	2. Chapter 2

He woke up feeling pleasantly sore, with the same kind of muscle ache he had after a good gym session.

Hank's arm rested over his waist, as it had done a week ago, this time though he determined that it was comforting. He shifted, turning to face Hank. Or rather, to face Hank's chest. It appeared he's slipped down the bed a little during the night as he'd sought out the nook of Hank's body in his sleep.

He pushed his legs in between Hank's and buried his face in Hank's chest. Hank felt warm. Soft. Good. He wondered how much sooner he could've had this if he hadn't been such a prick. Like, if he could've lowered his defences earlier.

When he thought about it, Hank always tried to Give him the opportunity to change the direction of their… Relationship (?) But he was always too wrapped up in trying to protect himself from feeling too much. He reasoned that it couldn't have happened any other way, and that really he should be thankful that Hank was (slightly) more emotionally available than he himself had been. It meant that Hank'd stuck around for long enough, and put up with his bullshit for long enough to know what to expect. Then he still pursued something more, and now, everything had just kind of, clicked. For the first time, it felt right.

He was glad they both had the day off, it'd be a while before this happened again, he pressed himself closer and placed his free hand against Hank's stomach.

He drifted off.

He awoke again later, aroused by the sensation of Hank's hand tracing his jawline.

He was lying flat on his back now, the light invading in through the closed curtain was bright enough to filter in through his closed eyelids. He felt warm and comfortable.

Slowly he opened his eyes, greeted to the wonderful view of Hank propped up on his elbow, smiling at him.

"Mornin'" he croaked.

"Hi, sleep well?" Hank asked. He looked so happy. Fuck. Like actually content. Gavin's chest hurt like heartache in reverse.

"Yeah, great. How about you?"

"Best night of sleep I've had in months."

He smiled at Hank, he felt like he was still dreaming.

"Hungry?" Hank asked.

"Yeah."

"I'll go make breakfast, you can shower if you want. I was going to offer you one after I had mine last night but by the time I was done you were out like a light," Hank said with warmth in his voice.

"Sure, thanks."

Hank kissed his forehead, and Gavin… Didn't hate it, but it definitely felt _strange_.

"Sappy fuck ain't you?" Gavin said.

"Rude. If you don't like it then just say, I won't do it again."

"I… I do just. Not too often."

"I'll bear that in mind," Hank lifted himself onto his feet with a considerable grunt, "Oh fuck. My back. Hey, I hope you're at least a little bit sore because I _think_ I overdid it."

"I feel sore, but I don't know how bad yet…" Gavin said. He sat up slowly and it wasn't until he swung his legs over the side of the bed that he felt the full extent of last night's excursion. He winced.

"Bad?" Hank asked.

"Yeah. Fuck. Well, I hope no one calls me in today, I'll put it that way. Jesus. I think I’ll take that shower."

"There's a fresh towel in there, the blue one."

"Thanks," He walked around the bed, intending to head straight for the bathroom, but Hank caught him by his forearm before he could leave the room. He turned to face Hank again.

"What?"

"Sorry I just…" Hank trailed off, and it was almost as if he was lost in Gavin's eyes or some sappy shit.

"Just?" Gavin asked, puzzled.

"Happy," Hank admitted.

"Oh."

Hank pulled him in, hugging him tight.

"Thank you," Hank whispered.

He wrapped his arms around Hank, squeezing him, he wished he knew what he was supposed to say, he hoped this was enough.

He hoped _he_ was enough.

"Sorry," Hank loosened his grip and looked down at him, "That was weird."

"It's okay, uh. I don;t mind. You're normally weird. This is just. A different kind. I'll get used to it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Gavin concluded.

"Your hip looks fucked up," Hank's hand trailed down, he traced the bruises he'd left there.

"Oh, wow. That's…" He felt his cheeks heat up, a wave of arousal crashed over him.

Hank's fingertips lined up with the corresponding bruises, like he was matching his fingerprints to a clay indentation. He pressed into Gavin's hip, invigorating the tender spots with a refreshing ache.

Gavin moaned uncontrollably. He loved it, everything about it. Pain always managed to turn him on in the right context (and sometimes in the wrong context). He got hard fast.

Hank lifted him easily and dropped him down onto the bed.

He supposed his shower would wait.

Hank settled between his legs, he placed firm kisses over each of the bruises, then carried on trailing kisses until he reached Gavin's cock. He closed his mouth over it, and sank all the way down, taking it in easily. He sucked down, creating a glorious vacuum.

"Fuck, H- Hank!"

It was another first. He'd always been the giver, and never the receiver. The kinds of sex he managed to get himself into didn't leave him much room to switch roles or experiment at all. For the longest time he'd accepted that intimacy for him was always going to come with fixed roles and no room for negotiation. Hank was showing him that it didn't have to be that way.

Largely, he enjoyed being fucked, and the best way to ensure he got that was to provide service for his sexual partners.

This though, it was a pleasant surprise; that Hank was willing, and that Gavin really fucking enjoyed it.

Hank had his mouth on him for just about two minutes and he was already coming undone. There wasn't a lot but, that wasn't surprising. Hank swallowed it down all the same.

Hank pulled off and came to all fours, his cheeks rosy, gasping for air. Looking too hot for his own good.

Compelled by some deep urge he sat up and kissed Hank deeply, tasting himself on Hank's tongue. It was filthy, and hot. Hank moaned against the kiss, the sound reverberated through Gavin. Knowing that Hank was just as into it as him, well, that washed away any doubt that his impulse had been wrong.

He broke the kiss off, Hank looked at him, his eyes pierce with lust. They cut into him, and before—

Before he'd always avoided Hank's gaze, he'd been afraid. He assumed he'd only find judgement there. But now, as Hank's eyes fixed on him, he saw only reverence. He wasn't sure he deserved it, but at least he knew now that his fear had been misplaced. That didn't mean that he felt any more comfortable under it however; another urge bubbled up.

Hank was still on all fours. So Gavin scooted down the bed, letting his legs fold over the end, he planted them on the floor. His head now level with Hank's heavy dick, half stiff and hanging down between his legs.

It was his turn to surprise Hank. He gripped Hank's hips and took the tip of his cock into his mouth, sucking down to just past the glans a couple of times to slick it up. Hank's laboured breathing above him told him he was on the right track, so he went for it. He swallowed Hank down in one go, delighting in the stretch and heady sensation when Hank's cock head pressed down his throat.

It had been embarrassing the first time he'd sucked Hank off, he'd gotten overwhelmed by the sheer size and ended up having to use his hands too. So, he'd bought himself a sex toy and had been practising in private to defeat his gag reflex. Now he finally got to do what he'd been fantasising about, and properly deep throat Hank.

"Fuck, Gav!" Hank spat.

He began to set a rhythm of sucking down intensely and then pulling back enough that he could breathe through his nose, never fully letting off Hank's length. His eyes prickled with tears at the intrusion but it felt good, so fucking good. He hit a groove and felt absolutely unstoppable, determined to milk Hank, he ignored the burning cramp in his jaw.

He could hear Hank stuttering his name in between deep earthy groans, then with a sharp shout he came. Gavin greedily swallowed everything down, returning Hank's favour.

He pulled off and his throat was thoroughly sore from the effort. He slid all the way off the bed and sat on the floor to allow Hank to collapse down on the mattress.

"Fucking hell Gav," Hank said as he shifted on the bed behind him. He felt Hank's hand rest gently on his shoulder, "When d'ya learn that?"

"I had some spare time," he said, his voice sounded raw.

"Yeah?" Hank laughed, "Don't think it counts as breakfast though. Should we try again?"

"Sure," Gavin rose to his feet and turned, he looked at Hank, spread out on his front on the bed. He was dazed and smiling. Gavin smiled back, he felt so lucky.

"Oh, be careful of Sumo. I haven't had anyone over so, I don't know how he'll be," Hank said.

"Anyone?" Gavin said, he didn't mean to but he was never any good at thinking before he spoke, and frankly, Hank shouldn't have any problem finding people to fuck.

"Uh, since I had to move out, y'know. Since the divorce."

"Oh. Fuck, I shouldn't just say shit. Sorry."

"You're good. I should probably talk about it anyway," Hank admitted as he pulled himself up again.

It was fucked that Gavin was the first person Hank'd had here. In what? Hank got divorced a year and half ago… But then Cole died just about nine months ago… and he'd hooked up with Hank the first time just about two months after that… So yeah, it made sense.

The thought briefly flicked through his head that he was just re-bound sex, but he shook it off. If that were the case this would've ended like, after the first few times. Right?

He suddenly felt really fragile. Like he wanted to bolt. Just. Get out of there.

He swallowed his instinct down, and took another look at Hank. No. He couldn't run now, He'd already made it this far. The farthest he'd managed with anyone for a long, long time.

"I'm gonna shower," he said into the heavy silence of the room, "If you wanna talk or whatever, let's do it after coffee."

"Sure."

Gavin turned and opened the door really slowly, just in case Sumo was waiting, which he wasn't. Gavin looked down the hall and saw Sumo sleeping just behind the couch. He smiled to himself.

"Sumo's asleep," he said as he crossed the hallway into the bathroom.

Hank followed him out and stood behind him. Gavin couldn't help but turn and face him.

Hank was wearing a tatty house robe that was a little too short. It showed off the tattoo on his leg that he hadn't really registered before. A four leaf clover with the year "'14" inscribed on it. That made him feel really young, and kinda horny too. He didn't want to think about why, but the age gap did shit to him. He recalled Tina ribbing him about his ‘Daddy Issues' before. Nope. Time to lock that box right the fuck up.

He turned back towards the bathroom and pushed the door open.

"You're still vegan right?" Hank asked.

"Yeah, that gonna be a problem?"

"Not at all, enjoy your shower," Hank said as he padded off into the house.

The faucets in Hank's bath were terrible, in fact, the whole bathroom was pretty badly fitted, with it's weird square shower head. It took him about two minutes of fucking around with the taps to get the right temperature of water to come out, and the water pressure was shit to boot. Gavin's apartment might have a cramped bed but at least the shower was decent.

Once the temperature finally settled he started washing immediately, like he could _just tell_ that the hot water would run out if he spent too long underneath it. But that suited him fine, because at least if he were quick he wouldn't have much chance for his thoughts to sour as they often did when he was showering.

It took him about fifteen minutes to wash himself, and now he smelt weirdly of Hank after using his products. Though he kinda liked that. He shut the water off, hopped out and dried himself off, as he did so he caught himself in the mirror. Aside from the bruising he looked surprisingly decent, his dark circles were nowhere near as pronounced as they usually were. His skin looked better too, maybe there was something to this 'not drinking yourself to sleep' business after all.

Gavin walked across the hallway, stopping briefly to observe Sumo, he was awake now but still very sleepy. He may be massive, but that didn't make him any less adorable. Kinda like his owner.

Shit.  
Oh Shit-  
Well… Shit.

Yeah, okay, that was probably going to happen right? Like, the whole reason he spent so long trying to keep Hank hostile was because if he didn't then _this_ might happen. He didn't want to feel _a way_ , but he was fucking sunk. He knew he was.

He dropped himself down onto Hank's bed face first and resisted the urge to scream into the comforter that lay crumpled beside him. Was it the end of the world if he actually started to feel _like that_ about Hank. Like, he'd been just about comfortable with the familiarity and the fondness, but not… _that_.

Ugh.

Okay but, what were his options? They'd already battled each other so hard to get to this point, and Gavin had already decided that he didn't want it to end or go back to how it was. So what? He should just…

Let his feelings happen?  
He _did not_ like the sound of that _at all_.  
He didn't want another person having that kind of power over him. Not again.

But.

Didn't?

Didn't Hank already have that power?  
Shit. Yeah. He did.

Most of Gavin's waking thoughts when he wasn't working on a case were consumed with trying to figure out where Hank was so he could get him alone, even if it was just for ten minutes. He'd just wanted Hank's attention this whole time, and he'd been fooling himself. Telling himself it was just a sex thing —although that part was pretty fucking substantial— it was actually just that he craved the intimacy and the warmth. What was worse, was that he cared. He cared about Hank and he had done this whole time. He used to idolise him. Of course he cared. All this fucking anger and disdain started when Hank's relationship started to fall apart and Hank's work performance started to suffer badly, and then Cole—

Hank used to be so good, and he fucking crumbled.

Gavin had a dangerous flutter in his chest that told him; Maybe he could be there for Hank, and maybe that would be enough.

Maybe he _was_ enough.

It was scary and bold, but Gavin resolved himself. He _wanted_ to stay, and he _wanted_ this to be more than a frustrated and futile attempt to be held by someone else. He wanted anything this badly for so, so long, it was overwhelming.

He pushed himself back to his feet and started getting dressed, following the trail of clothes he'd left the night before.  
He was missing a sock.

He just couldn't see it.  
He got down on all fours and tried to look under the bed, but he couldn't see anything.

"Hey, lost something?" Hank's voice grabbed his attention.

He rose to his feet and turned to see Hank casually leaning against the door frame, coffee in one hand. His robe had come open, revealing the vast expanse of Hank's broad chest, faded tattoo just barely visible underneath his chest hair. Fucking. Delicious.

"I can't find my other sock?"

Hank looked around the room and it was a fucking state all told, it appeared that Hank had only just acknowledged that but he didn't seem to care.

"Wear a pair of mine, second drawer in the dresser," He gestured towards it with his coffee mug.

"Sure thanks."

"Breakfast's ready," Hank said, his free hand scratched at the back of his neck, causing his robe to open a little bit more revealing his stomach and— Fuck. Gavin needed to stop staring. He turned toward the dresser and opened it.

"I'll be there in a sec."

"Sure," said as he left.

Gavin pulled out a pair of plain black socks from the drawer and pulled them on. The went so far up his legs he laughed, he could tell on Hank that they'd look normal, but on him they came up to the middle of his calves. He kinda liked it though. He pulled on the rest of his clothes and joined Hank in the kitchen.

Hank had laid the table, it even looked like he'd cleaned up the kitchen a bit. He sat down in the seat opposite Hank and looked down at his plate. He was expecting a struggle breakfast, but was pleasantly surprised. Hank had put together a decent vegan scramble; refried beans, chickpeas, chopped tomatoes and sliced avocado served with toast.

"Hank, this looks good. Damn."

"Hope it tastes good too, 's been a while since I made it. Lucky I was craving avocado the other day or it'd be pretty plain. All of it's from tins otherwise," Hank shrugged.

"It's that millennial in you Hank, can't go a week without avocado I bet," Gavin quipped before he dug in, enjoying the way Hank laughed out loud at his stupid joke, and the way his eyes twinkled with the laughter like they hadn't done in _months_.

Shit. He. He was falling hard.

It didn't help that this breakfast was probably the best meal he'd had in weeks. It tasted really good, balanced and actually properly seasoned too. A reminder that he should really cook more often. Though he entertained the idea that Hank could do all his cooking for him, if he could do this with tinned food then he must be even better with fresh.

They finished up, Hank cleared away the plates and refilled their coffee mugs.

"Any good?" Hank asked.

"Fucking fantastic, I'm going to be honest, I wasn't expecting much but. Yeah. Good, thanks."

"No probs. Hey, you wanna come with me when I take Sumo for a walk? I'd like the company and maybe it'd be easier for me to talk with you about that shit from earlier if I'm outside the house."

It was such a domestic request. This was completely alien to Gavin, as the morning had gone on he found himself slipping deeper into mysterious territory.   
He just wasn't used to this.  
He really wasn't.  
No one had given this much of a shit about him since he moved away from Boston.

He had to catch himself before he got stuck in his head about _that_.

"Yeah, I'd like that. Mind if I smoked too?"

Hank chuckled, "It's outside you don't have to ask."

"I- I was just being polite?" Gavin blushed.

"Gav. I never thought that I'd ever say this to you but, underneath all your bullshit? You're so fucking cute."

He got even redder, and pouted.

"You're making it worse now," Hank teased.

"You're an ass."

"Yeah?"

"Yes," Gavin huffed, then he softened. Hank was going to ruin him with his fucking— 

Kindness.

That weird reverse heartache feeling from earlier returned in full force.

It was affection.  
It was _fucking_ affection.

He felt it so badly that it hurt. But. In the best possible way.  
He had fallen, and it seemed like it had been so fast but it wasn't. It had happened slowly, building up from fleeting moments of crushed mouths, shared climaxes, and the frustrated desperation of not wanting to be alone.

And they didn't have to be.  
They didn't.  
They could be together.  
They could be _this_. 

Whatever _this_ was. 

"Hank, I- What are we?" Gavin spoke up, his voice cracking as he did. He felt exposed again.

Hank looked at him softly, "What would you like us to be?"

"I have a choice?" Gavin was trying his best but he couldn't hide the surprise. His head whirred as he tried to think. 

"Of course you have a choice," Hank took a sip of his coffee.

"What about what you want?" Gavin asked because he still wasn't sure what he wanted, and the world was spinning too fast, and he wanted to just. Stop. Spinning. 

"I don't want to pressure you Gavin. I had a really fucking great night, and morning. If you want to leave at that I'm cool. If you want more, then I’m totally up for that too," Hank admitted easily, he was so confident it was intimidating. 

"I- I want—" Gavin inhaled deeply as the realisation hit him, he exhaled a long shaky sigh, then let his breathing stabilise before he continued, "—I want us to be exclusive."

"Are you saying you want to be my boyfriend Gavin?" Hank smiled wide and toothy. 

"Yes," Gavin's gaze fixed on the coffee in his mug, turning tepid in his hands. 

"Sign me up," Hank said so easily. And. 

Gavin could hardly believe this was happening. 

"Cool." 

Cool.   
_Cool?_   
Fucking. Really? That's all he could say? Damn. He hated this. He wished it were easier to like, fucking. Say. Feelings. But it wasn't. He felt vulnerable and he hated it. 

"Alright. We should probably tell Fowler? I know he'll keep it under wraps, I trust him."

"Yeah, but I don't wanna go around broadcasting anything. Keep this and work separate," Gavin said, getting his bearings again. 

"Oh, of course."

"And, I want to start texting, though we should probably change the names on our contacts for each other."

"I, uh. I kinda already did?" Hank said sheepishly.

"You what?"

"I changed it already, but I don't think you'll like it..."

"Oh you have to tell me now, you can't just say that!" Gavin's curiosity got the better of him.

"It's. Baby boy."

"Fucking. What?" Gavin felt scandalised, but then. Hank did always call him a baby before, to like, mock him or whatever. And then it turned sincere last night. He shuddered at the memory. 

"I'll change it if you don't like it," Hank said, raising his palms up in an open gesture to show culpability. 

"I... I kinda... Like it?" He felt himself flush _yet again_. 

"Oh? Well. In that case. I might make a point to call it you," Hank's gap toothed smile appeared again. The man was a menace, a gorgeous fucking menace. 

"Only in bed," Gavin said firmly, before he drained the contents of his now cold cup of coffee. 

"Sure, sure. What'll you change mine to?" 

"Just your first initial, it won't look out of place. I save all my hookups like that."

"Okay, might be a bit obvious though?"

"No trust me it won't. There's a lot of initials in there," Gavin replied, though only because most of them never lasted more than a month, and he never bothered to delete any of them either. 

"Okay fair enough, I'm gonna get dressed. Do you mind letting Sumo out back and watching him for me?"

"Yeah sure, I wanted to smoke anyway."

"Thanks," Hank said, he placed his coffee mug next to the sink and went to the bedroom.

Gavin got his coat and shoes on and let Sumo out to do his business. He rolled himself a cigarette whilst he kept an eye on the dog, but he didn't have time to smoke it before Hank appeared with a lead in his hand. It was fine though, they left soon enough. Gavin lit up once they were on the sidewalk, and they set off at a leisurely pace; Gavin close to Hank's side, Sumo just out in front.

"It actually started to fall apart during the Red Ice bust," Hank said, breaking the silence between them five minutes into their walk. Hank's gaze was fixed on Sumo, who'd steamed ahead, his lead at full extension as he sniffed at a tree.

Gavin didn't know what to say, so he just took a drag from his cigarette and made an affirmative sound as he exhaled the smoke.

"We fought about how I was more married to the job, it hadn't gotten really bad yet, we were still having _mostly_ good days, but I had a sinking feeling y'know? That it probably wouldn't last. I didn't spend enough time with her, I was too busy thinkin' it was my job alone to clean up the streets. And neither of us really wanted to get into it then. So we pretended we were okay, and then well, Cole came along, and he was everything. Our squabbling didn't seem to matter anymore, and I wanted to do right so when I got promoted I asked to be moved to homicide. Which, well you already knew—"

Yeah, Gavin was _painfully_ aware of that. He knew it intensely. Other uniformed officers in the precinct would often assert that the only reason Gavin had made detective that year was because the hole left by Hank was too big and they needed _someone_ to fill it, and it didn't matter who.

It had pissed him off so much that he'd even raised it with Fowler, and Fowler had assured him that it was his fervent dedication, keen eye and knack for figuring out motives that had landed him the job. But that didn't stop people talking and over time he got more bitter about it.

"—Then things were a lot better for a good while. I was able to spend more time at home with Miranda and Cole. But, eventually as Cole got older and started going to school I slipped back into my old habits. Double shifts, not being there at the weekends, missing meals, that kinda thing. The arguing started again, and I don't blame Miranda one bit for this. I wasn't just letting her down, I was letting Cole down too and that was shitty. But I still had ideals and my head up my own fuckin' ass. Then well, you know the rest. You were in the bullpen that day when she slammed the divorce papers on my desk…"

Gavin wanted to tell Hank that it was those ideals that had made him admire Hank, but that wouldn't be appropriate despite the fact it was true. Then, the only things Gavin had out here was his job, his friendship with Tina and the occasional hookup. He had absolutely no idea how to try and balance work and family. Fuck, he didn't even know how to balance work with _looking after himself_. 

He finally decided to speak up.

"Gonna be honest with you- I'm happy to listen, but I don’t really know what to say. Sounds like a total shit show," Gavin took another drag on his cigarette and offered it to Hank, because he felt awkward and he didn't really know what else to do.

"Thanks," Hank took it from him and inhaled a long pull, as he exhaled slowly Gavin tried desperately not to think about what had happened the previous night. But it was fucking hard when Hank looked so good smoking, "You don't have to say anything. It's nice just to finally say some of this out loud, and to have someone listen without judgement, well I hope without judgement."

Gavin raised his eyebrow and looked directly at him,"Do you really think I'm in any place to judge you Hank?"

"'Spose not. Thanks anyway though, shit. I can even return the favour," Hank handed Gavin his smoke back.

"I'm- I'm not ready for that," Gavin confessed as he took the final drag, pulling the last of the tobacco into his lungs. He stubbed out the end on a nearby wall and tucked it behind his ear to throw away later.

"Sure, I won't pressure you, but the offer still stands okay?"

"Thanks, maybe I can take you up on it sometime, but don't hold out hope."

Hank got closer to him, and wrapped his free arm around Gavin's back. Gavin wasn't expecting it so he was stiff at first but then he loosened up, relaxing into Hank's chest.

"Whenever you're ready, I want to be here for you too," Hank said, and Gavin.

Gavin believed him.


End file.
